Time To Get It Right
by tessmagnolia
Summary: Carter and Abby. A simple kiss could be the make or break of them
1. Chapter 1

**Time to Get it Right**

"What are you doing?" Carter asked Abby as he hung up his coat and scarf.

"It's Christmas." She glanced down at him briefly.

"I know that, but…" He lifted his arms in a gesture of confusion at the transformation around him.

"But what?" Her eyebrow arched questioningly. They were in her apartment and she was currently perched at the top of the step ladder tacking up the last piece of decoration into the corner of the living room.

"Shouldn't the colours be green and red?"

"Only, if you go for traditional colours."

"You got me there." Carter laughed and threw his hands up in surrender. "But why black – doesn't that signify death?"

"No, it just means one chapter has ended and the yellow and greens signify the start of a new beginning." Abby looked over her shoulder, clinging to the stepladder for support, and smiled at him.

Carter laughed, a sparkle in his eyes that Abby hadn't seen in a few years, but was slowly becoming the normal. Reaching her in a few strides he helped to guide her down the ladder and then whispered in her ear, "you're getting sentimental in your old age."

"Ouch!" Carter yelped as Abby pinched his arm, then rubbing it dramatically he cried, "what was that for?"

"Calling me old," she said over her shoulder, pouting as she spoke.

Carter followed her into the kitchen, placing his hands around her waist as she reached up to the cupboard for some plates. "Mmmmm, what smells so good?"

"Cookies." Abby pushed his hands away and moved to the oven, where donning an oven glove, she swiftly opened the door and pulled out, in quick succession, two trays of chocolate chip cookies.

"Ow!" Carter moaned for the second time that night, as Abby's hand swiftly swatted his own hand away from the tray.

"You'll ruin your dinner," she scolded, teasing him.

"Ow," he said again, waving his 'sore' hand in front of her face.

Softening at his childlike pout, she took his hand and kissed it gently, then leaned up on her tiptoes and lightly kissed his lips. "Feel better?"

"Much."

"Good, now go take a shower. Our guests will be arriving and I want you to look good."

"Don't I always?" He feigned a look of pain.

Abby ignored him and began fussing around the kitchen, preparing the last parts of the meal. She wanted it to be perfect, it was their first proper pre-Christmas dinner together; the only Christmas they had spent together didn't count, since she'd officially cancelled it, having ordered in pizza for Christmas Eve and worked Christmas Day. Now, three years later, she was finally beginning to believe in 'happily ever after'.

Abby thought back to that point three years ago: her life having just found a happy equilibrium suddenly took a leap into disaster mode. Eric had become ill and firmly detached her from his life and that pain had hurt like nothing before. Then slowly she began pushing away those closest to her, she began pushing at Carter until finally a combination of her and everything else screwy in both their lives had sent him packing across the ocean.

Ironically, it had been Carter's departure and subsequent 'Dear Abby' letter that had given her the motivation and means to kick-start her life back into order. No longer would she be depressed, put upon Abby. She wouldn't be the town drunk, Richards embarrassing wife or Maggie's poor daughter. And she wouldn't give up when things got tough. She'd even managed to give up smoking… well three months nicotine free was better than nothing and people obviously couldn't expect her to get through med school without some kind of vice and coffee definitely didn't count, it was as much a lifeline as the oxygen she breathed.

Putting the garlic bread into the oven to warm up a smile crept onto Abby's face as she remembered Carter's inevitable return. She wasn't expecting to give him an opened arm return, but the way he did return was a bit of a shock and there wasn't a book in the world that dealt with that kind of etiquette. She'd been proud of the way she'd walked up to him and hidden her anger and distress at the sight of him with his new 'family'. She'd been even prouder that she'd kept herself on track; forcing every emotion to the depths of her mind and continuing on to finally achieve the one thing she had always wanted. Now Abby could really smile, Doctor Lockhart had a really nice ring to it.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Hmm?" Abby asked, his words bringing her out of her daydream from the past.

"You were smiling, what were you thinking of?" Carter stood in the doorway, a towel round his waist with his hair and body glistening from the shower water.

"Oh nothing. Just the past and how everything has happened for a reason."

"You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were turning into a soppy romantic wuss!" He laughed and dodged out of the way of the tea towel Abby had twisted up to flick at him.

Abby threw the tea towel onto the table and walked towards Carter, as she reached him she put her arms around his waste and pulled him closer. Taking a deep breath she breathed in his clean, soapy scent. "It's only because I'm happy." Abby whispered into his chest.

"I know."

"And you made me happy."

"I know that too." He bent his head down and possessively kissed the top of her head.

"So you know…" Abby smirked looking at him and lent up to kiss him quickly on the lips. "… It's all your fault."

Abby pulled away from Carter, his arms reluctant to let her go. She made her way to the bedroom, giving instructions for him to keep an eye on the food while she quickly changed. She had spent the afternoon decorating the apartment, preparing the food and in between had managed to shower, do her hair and make-up, so all that was left was for her to get dressed.

Half an hour later, the table was set. They were both dressed and the dinner was in the oven being kept warm. Lucky for Abby lasagne was fairly simple to make and her cinnamon waffles and brownies were a great dessert. Especially when you added the ice-cream, Smarties and chocolate sauce. Yum, Abby thought to herself, as she'd put the final touches to them.

"You nervous?" Carter asked. Abby shook her head. "You look nervous."

"Nope." She smiled at him, she wasn't nervous about the dinner, just about how Carter would feel with Susan, Chuck and the baby in the house. It wasn't the first time Carter had been around the baby, but it was the first proper Christmas since he lost his son and she knew it would be hard on him. "What time did Susan say she would be here?"

"Around 7:30, but she said Cosmo was playing up so it could be later."

Abby watched him as he spoke and thankfully didn't see anything to be concerned about. Walking across the room, she made a move to sit next to him on the couch.

She giggled as he grabbed her waist pulling her onto his lap, so she was sat sideways. Freeing one hand he turned her face so he could look into her eyes.

"Merry Christmas," he whispered before kissing her. Abby returned the sentiments mumbling against his lips before deepening it. His arms wrapped around her pulling her closer then slowly, reluctantly letting her go as she rested her head against his shoulder.

"How did I ever let you go?" He asked.

Abby pouted, screwing up her face, teasingly considering her options. Tonight she didn't want to be serious. Shaking her head she grinned, "Because you didn't know a good thing when it bit you in the butt."

"Abby?"

"Hmmm."

"I love you."

"I know." She smiled; it had taken her a long time to accept that that was true.

"Well?" He nuzzled against her head.

"Well what?" Her eyes open wide in innocence.

"I love you too," he said, gesturing with his hands for her to repeat.

"I love you too." she mimicked, teasing him.

A groan emitted from Carters mouth, just as he was about to reprimand her the buzzer went. Resting her head back on Carter's shoulder she asked, "Can you go get it?"

"You'll have to move."

"But it's so comfy here." She whispered and snuggled closer to him. Laughing, Carter swung her up into his arms, ignoring her screams of protest.

Reaching the door he asked who it was, before letting Susan in and ungraciously dropping Abby onto her feet.

Abby opened the door, peering down the stairs she could see Chuck struggling through the door carrying everything Cosmo could possibly need to survive for the next three weeks, with Susan behind him grinning holding a sleeping child in her arms.

Looking up Susan put a free finger to her lips, it had taken her three hours to settle Cosmo and she wanted peace for the next three. As they reached Abby's apartment Carter offered to help carry Cosmo's gear, while Abby opened her arms to retrieve her Godchild.

"He's getting so big." Abby whispered, moving him smoothly from arm to arm, to get a comfier position.

"You should see how much he eats." Susan responded. Then in a stage whisper added. "He's turning into his father!"

"Shall I put him in my room?"

"Would you mind?"

Abby shook her head, not wanting to disturb the sleeping child. Taking the crib from Carter, Susan followed Abby into the room and in a matter of moments it was set up and Cosmo was nestled under a blanket with Toto the bunny clutched possessively in his fist.

"He looks so peaceful."

"Yeah," Susan sighed, though her tone was only slightly playful.

"Is he still playing up?'

"Yeah, it seems my kid is in a hurry to reach the terrible two's!"

Abby stifled a laugh. "You wonder why I don't have kids."

"But you're so good with them."

"Yeah, other people's. Those you get to give them back," she added knowingly.

"So you and Carter…" Her voice drifted off at Abby's 'leave it alone' look.

"We haven't discussed it, and it's not something I want to get into now." Seeing her down trodden look, Abby tried to lighten the mood. Dragging her out of the room she said. "Come on, it's nearly Christmas and I cooked!"

"This is delicious."

"Thank-you," Abby smiled, taking his compliments with a pinch of salt. Chuck's taste molecules barely had the chance to figure out he was actually eating let alone know if it tasted good, the way he wolfed down his food.

"So…?" Carter started and then turned to Susan innocently.

"What?" She answered through a mouthful of food.

"You said you had something to share?"

Swallowing quickly, Susan fought back a chuckle. "Trust you not to forget."

"What is it?" Abby asked curiously.

"It's actually nothing big." Susan caged around the issue, grinning.

"Fine. If you won't tell me yours I'm not telling you mine," Abby smirked in response.

"You've got a secret?" Carter asked and all eyes turned to her.

Groaning, Abby rolled her eyes. "I was kidding. Come on Susan. How about you tell us, or I go wake up sleeping beauty in there."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

The look on Abby's face was one not to be messed with.

"Fine." Susan turned to smile at Chuck. Reaching across the table Chuck gently placed his hand over hers and lightly squeezed it, his wedding ring reflecting the light. They had been married nearly nine months, Cosmo was now 18months and despite Susan's' occasional grievances with the two men in her life they were happy. "You want to tell them?"

"No, you should." They shared another loving smile. Abby had never figured this would be the ER relationship to last, but was relieved she was wrong.

"Okay." Susan turned back to face her friends, her smile beaming. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh my God."

"Congratulations."

"I'm so pleased for you both." Carter and Abby simultaneously exclaimed.

Abby got up to hug Susan and Carter reached across the table to offer a manly shake.

Abby whispered in her ear. "This time it has to be a girl."

Laughing, Susan replied, "oh, it will be. Or we're sending him back. Two Martin boys in the house is more than enough." She pulled a face at Abby and turned to smile at her husband.

"I think this deserves a celebration," Carter declared. "Virgin Strawberry Daiquiris anyone?"

Responding to the positive agreement, Carter expertly moved through the kitchen gathering ingredients as he went and in five minutes they were toasting the new baby in style.

The sudden wail from the bedroom interrupted their celebrations.

"I'll go," Carter said.

"You sure?" Susan asked, but they were all concerned.

"Don't worry, I'm fine."

"He'll be fine." Abby said once he was out of earshot, but got up and followed. "I'll just give him a hand."

Carter closed the door behind their friends, leaning against it he held his arms open to Abby who happily moved into them. "Did you enjoy tonight?"

"Mmhmm," she said against his chest. Looking up she continued, "Cosmo deserves a little sister."

"It's a girl?"

"They don't know for sure, but Susan's adamant." She giggled at her friends' earlier affirmation. "Can't say that I blame her. Cosmo's cute, but he takes after his daddy and that's a whole lot of work."

"So you think a girl would be easier?"

"For Susan? Definitely."

"I mean for you." His eyes locked onto hers.

"I'm not the one who's pregnant," she stated nervously.

"You could be." His grip went tighter around her waist. "I saw you were Cosmo tonight; I've seen you around children. You're a natural."

"Carter…"

**Authors Notes:** I know it's been a while, but I've had this on the backburner for a while and figured posting would spur me to finish it.

I'll have the second chapter posted soon – please let me know what you think.


	2. The Second Beginning

**Part 2 – The Second Beginning  
**

"Carter, I don't think we're ready to talk about this." Her eyes bore apprehensively into his. Four months they'd been publicly back together, it was too soon to be even thinking about this topic, let alone discussing it.

"It's never too early to talk." Her previous words came back to haunt her.

One year previously:

"Don't avoid me Carter." She followed, well stormed after him. Having done nothing to merit this attitude her patience had run thin and had had enough.

"Abby, just leave it," he called back over his shoulder, determined to leave the hospital the way he liked, alone and tired. That way he could just grab a quick bite to eat and collapse on his bed in a dreamless sleep. It wasn't the best way to live, but that's how he preferred it.

"No," she shouted across to him. "This has gone on far too long." She finally reached him as he was started to climb into his jeep. Walking round to the passenger side, she was grateful for the central locking system, and climbed in.

"You've still got half a shift."

"Luka's getting someone to cover for me."

He knew to protest would be futile. So ignoring her watchful gaze he switched on the engine and manoeuvred out of the parking garage.

"Where are we heading?" He finally broke the silence.

"Well you're driving."

"You got in my car."

"How about a meeting?" She pursed her lips up in anticipation for the inevitable rejection.

"Not tonight."

"Dinner?" He snorted, she laughed. "Yeah, I guess I'm not suitably dressed for anywhere fancy. We could always go back to mine, Neela's working and I can order up some Chinese."

"Um, I don't know."

"I don't bite. And you're not likely to get food poisoning from take out."

"Can we just take a rain check?" He tried appealing to her sympathetic nature. "I've had a shitty day and I just want to sleep."

"No can do. But..." She put on a sunny disposition. "We can head over to yours; I'm multitalented and can order Chinese from anywhere."

He laughed, he couldn't help it. It was a bad attempt at humour, but an attempt none the less and he was grateful for it. If he was honest with himself he was grateful that he wouldn't be spending another evening alone, but he wasn't quite ready to be honest with himself.

"You haven't seen my new place."

"No." There was a very good reason for that too, it was his house with her. Kem, the woman who'd broken his heart and played a hand in breaking hers too. Well she didn't exactly believe the latter, but it was nice that on some level that she could blame someone else, someone external for the chaos that was her troubled love life.

"Then you won't appreciate all the decorating I've done. It was a beautiful house, but the last occupants didn't exactly have taste." If he sensed any sullenness from Abby he ignored it, choosing instead to fall back on their easy going banter.

"And yours is much better?" She bantered back to him.

"You should have seen it, the carpet in the living room was purple, purple! And they'd painted all the door frames a red glow colour. Kem said it was like stepping back into the seventies." He cringed at the memory of the house, while she just cringed that he'd mentioned her name.

Carter had been lying though his teeth for months. Lying about their weekly phone calls, their constant emailing and that she was coming over for Christmas. Luka had spoken to Gillian who'd met up with Debbie, who knew Kem and knew that although she wasn't happy, she was casually seeing Peter again, had been out to parties and was slowly adjusting back to life in the Congo. Abby knew Carter had also been lying about how happy and okay he really was.

She felt like she was about to step into the lion's den and was slightly pissed at Luka that he said she was the one to do it. She hated that he was right and that she didn't have a clue how to go about it. Though hearing him mention her name was a start, she had a way in and heading over to his house would give her the perfect opportunity to snoop. Not that you could call it snooping, she was just looking out for a friend and that's exactly what she'd tell her conscience or anyone else who might ask.

"And now you've brought it into what? The eighties?"

"Ha, ha." He quickly smirked over at her before turning back to the road. "I'll have you know my tastes are legendary. Designers come from miles just to see my creations."

"It's sad really." She shook her head sympathetically at him.

"What?" He demanded.

Sighing, she then explained. "I didn't want to be the one to tell you. They may come from miles to see you but it's just to warn future designers what not to do. You're actually featured in this months InStyle section of 'what not to do to your interior'."

"I'm hurt that you could even suggest anything like that."

"I speak only the truth." She giggled, not sure why she was giggling, she never giggled. Though apparently it was infectious, looking across at John, he was smiling too. Not a full smile, it didn't quite reach his eyes, but there was definitely a sparkle trying to break through.

"You are one mean lady. No wonder you're better as a Doctor, you lack the compassion needed to be a nurse."

"Well Congo Doc." Kerry had coined the phrase for the duo, Luka and Carter that is, and it had stuck. "At least I didn't potentially screw up my internship by going out and getting drunk with some cute little blonde."

"Who told you?"

"Who'd you think?" She answered wryly.

"I'm going to kill her."

"I wouldn't bother, motherhood's got that covered. Between sleepless nights, poopy diapers and constant feedings she's ready to scream."

When he didn't immediately answer her, she turned and saw his profile was no longer laughing. "She's lucky," he finally said, sounding slightly defeated.

"Yeah, Cosmo's a great kid." Abby agreed, feeling saddened herself and slightly guilty about mentioning the currently taboo subject. They drove the rest of the way in silence, she never understood Carter's need for quietness while driving, she loved having the windows open and her music blaring.

"So what will it be?" She laid the takeout leaflets on the table. Picking up the Indian flyer she discarded it and put a pizza and a Chinese flyer in front of Carter.

"It's got to be pizza." He handed her the leaflet. "Hawaiian?"

"Sounds good to me. Garlic bread and diet coke?" He nodded. "Oh, cool, they've got a deal on with Haagen Daaz. Cookie dough good for you?"

"Perfect. I'll be right back. The phone's over there." He pointed towards the hallway, through the open kitchen door. Then he made his was upstairs, presumably to change, she wished she had that option, but fleeing the hospital mid shift meant she was in scrubs and little else. Grinning, she had another reason to bitch at Luka, he seriously owed her. Not that she wouldn't have helped Carter, she was probably more worried than Luka, but him owing her a few favours would make her life as an Intern a lot more bearable.

She was right, he came downstairs to find her flicking through the TV channel. Having showered he was now wearing his favourite Levi's and a classic style, v-neck, black tee. He'd lost weight since last year and was beginning to look good again, shaking her head at the thought, she turned her mind to more pressing matters.

"Pizza should be here in about ten minutes."

"Good, you want to put on a movie?" He walked over to the bookcase where his limited collection was.

"No, I think we should talk."

He looked wryly over at her, his attempt at postponement having gone awry. "Can it wait until we've eaten?"

"You're only postponing the inevitable." She patted the space next to her, indicating that he should join her. "Why don't you tell me what you've been up to recently."

"Not much to tell." He said evasively.

"Come off it, as much it might seem like it, you don't spend 24/7 stuck in the ER."

"Near enough, when I'm not there I'm doing Foundation work, and if I'm not doing that I'm trying to catch some sleep."

"And are you?"

"Sleeping?" She nods. "Yeah." He wasn't lying, he closed his eyes and managed to tune out his thoughts just enough to sleep. He just wasn't getting that deep stage of sleeping.

"Hmmm." She pursed her lips, debating how to handle this.

"I'm okay." He tried to convince her. "The last few months have just been a bit rough."

"I understand John, I honestly do. There's nothing greater than the pain of losing a child and having your … girlfriend… move 3000 miles away." Tentatively she placed her hand on his knee to comfort him. "I know it's not much comfort to you, but there are people out there, people who know what you're going through and want to help." Swallowing the lump that made its way up into her mouth she refused to let him see her this way, she was over him. At least that's what she had told herself.

"Abby…"He paused, watching her, a millions thoughts running through his mind but was unable to catch onto one. "Can we not do this now?"

"I'm sorry John. I hate seeing you like this, that no matter what I say or do to get through to you none of it works. I want to help you get better."

"To fix me?" The irony wasn't lost on either of them.

"No. I want you to feel like you again."

"I haven't felt like me since… since before I was stabbed." She bit down on her lip, refusing to let these words hurt, refusing to let herself dwell on the fact that he didn't feel like him when they were together. But this wasn't about her, it was about him. She was going to get through to him tonight even if it destroyed any possibility of their friendship reforming.

It had to be about him. Her sanity wouldn't allow it to be about anything else.

The doorbell rang with the arrival of their food, interrupting anything she might have responded with. Reaching for his wallet Carter stood up and paid for their meal. Abby followed him to the kitchen, watching as he systematically placed the ice-cream in the freezer and set out the food and drinks for their consumption.

"I'll go put on some music." Abby offered.

"Sure, but nothing too… loud." He gave a small knowing smile.

"Pixies ok?" She returned the light hearted attempt at banter.

"If you can find it."

"Now you're under estimating my talents."

He smirked as he watched her head through to the living room. The smile soon faded as the upbeat lilts of 'Monkey Gone to Heaven' wafted through to him.

"How the…?"

"A lady never reveals her secrets."

"I don't have a Pixies CD in this house."

"Correction, you don't have a Pixie's CD case in this house. But you do have an Eminem's CD case, which is just for show and is the perfect hiding place for a Pixie's album." She announced to him smugly.

"Just…" He couldn't think of a suitable response. "Sit down and eat."

"You're the boss." She sat down opposite him.

"Oh, I don't think I've ever been the boss."

She looked up from her plate and smiled.

The conversation over the meal was light-hearted and on some level even fun. Afterwards, they retired to the living room, Carter took the sofa while Abby chose the armchair, and Carter knew his reprieve was over.

"So," Abby looked across at him. "Where do you want to start?"

"I don't want to talk about this."

"You don't have a choice. I know tonight won't fix everything, but I'll always be here for you." She gave him an encouraging smile, "it's never too early to start talking. We don't even have to talk about what happened. I just want you to talk to me."

"Anything?"

"Anything at all. You could tell me about your day at work."

"You were there; nothing exciting happened."

"But I didn't see it through your eyes." All she wanted was for him to start talking, knowing that once he did she would be able to find her opening and try and turn the conversation around. Her psyche rotation would be coming in handy for something.

"Well," he started, then looked to her for approval. "Morris and Barnett thought they could get away with…"

Abby smiled, she enjoyed listening to his voice and soon found herself drifting into a slight daze.

"And that's pretty much my day. Has been the routine of my day for the last few months." Carter finished. Looking up he saw tears in Abby's eyes and wondered what had caused them. He didn't think that anything he had said could have caused such emotion. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Abby blinked back the tears. "It's just, I was remembering when you used to tell me about your day. There was so much passion in your life, you really enjoyed what you did and it's all gone."

"People change."

"People don't change. They will always be who they are, they just get a little side tracked along the way."

"So, you want to get me back on track?"

"No, I want you to want to get back on track. I know you, I know me, how we think and no-one can help our selves but ourselves."

"So why are you here?"

"To show you that you aren't alone and that when you're ready I'm here for you." She touched his arm softly.

"Why are you here for me?" He asked. "After everything that's happened during these last few years…"

"Because," she paused to find the right words. "You were always there for me and despite everything that happened between us I hate to see you hurting."

"Okay." He nodded. "When I'm ready I'll give you a call."

"You don't have to wait until you're ready to call me." She told him adamantly. "You can call me day or night, I order up a mean takeaway. I'm great company in movie theatres and have even been known to go bowling!"

"Thank-you." Carter reached across and squeezed her hand briefly. He then lent back against the couch and closed his eyes. Today had been a long day, he just wanted to sleep.

Tomorrow he would figure out where to go next.

He heard Abby stand up and move in front of him. He felt her breath on his face before she softly planted a kiss on his forehead. "Call me."

**Authors Notes:** Thank you to everybody who reviewed the first chapter, each review put a smile on my face.  
I hope this one lived up to your expectations and please let me know what you think!


	3. Time to talk?

**Part 3 - Time to talk?**

_Previously -  _

"Carter, I don't think we're ready to talk about this." Her eyes bore apprehensively into his. Four months they'd been publicly back together, it was too soon to be even thinking about this topic, let alone discussing it.

"It's never too early to talk." Her previous words came back to haunt her.

Abby tried to get out of his locked grasp but he wasn't letting her go.

"I'm not letting you go. Not this time. If you hadn't come back into my life and shaken me out of my spiralling depression we wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be able to do this." He leant down and kissed her nose. "Or this." He kissed her lips. "Or…"

"Stop it." She leant into his chest, hiding her face from his probing gaze. "I'm not ready."

"Abby. Don't hide from me again. We've been through too much this year for you to start hiding now."

"But."

"Please?"

Abby tried to resist his plea. She knew he was right. They would have to talk about this. But how could she explain how she felt about children, about having a child of her own and about Richard. There was still so much left to tell him and if she did she wasn't sure how he would react and if he would feel the same about her.

"We should sit down." Her voice was shaky as she answered him.

Abby led him back to the sofa and encouraged him to sit down first. She then carefully sat so there was a small but very significant gap between them.

Her apartment would always be described as 'cosy', but it had never felt more claustrophobic. As she glanced around the room she could feel the walls getting closer, she hadn't felt this anxious in a very long time. Not since they'd kissed eight months ago.

She shook that memory from her head. Maybe she could delay the inevitable and offer what she felt was their next step. She took a deep breath and turned to look at him. "I'm not ready for children yet. I know we're not getting any younger and the older I get the harder it will be to conceive, but we've only been together for such a short time and I don't want to jeopardise what the fragile relations we've built up this past year by bringing in an innocent baby that would be so reliant on us when we might not be completely stable yet ourselves.

'You're going to make a great Dad one day and I want to be the one who gives you a child. I really want to. But…" Tears glistened in her eyes as she looked deep into his soul hoping he would understand what she was trying to say. "Not now. I'm not ready."

Carter reached over and gently took her hand in his, softly stroking the sensitive spot between her index finger and thumb. "Don't be scared." He whispered. "I'm not going to leave you again."

Abby didn't want him to make that promise again. Instead she lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it. "I hope so. Because I mean it. One day we'll get our happy ever after."

"I know." He told her softly, but with conviction. Making her feel safe.

I've been thinking." Her voice sounded so tiny.

"Yeah?"

"I want us to take the next step."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I think I'm ready for you to move in with me. Or maybe, we can find our own place together? Whatever you want."

"Do you mean it?" Hope glistened around him.

"Yes." She nodded.

"You're not just saying it as a peace offering?" The hope didn't waver but he wanted to be sure that this is what she wanted and she wouldn't change her mind.

"I wouldn't do that to you Carter, you deserve the best... I love you." She dropped his hand and turned slightly to face him and then cupped his face softly in her hands, occasionally stroking his cheek with her thumb. "I want to make a commitment to you and right now this is all I'm ready to offer."

Carter turned his face slightly to kiss the palm of her hand. He whispered, "I love you to."

Tears rolled freely down her cheek. "Thank you," she mumbled as she moved into his open embrace. Her head snuggled into his neck.

Eventually she pulled slightly away from him and wiped the dried out tears from around her eyes. Looking up at Carter she saw him do the same.

"Do you want to move in tonight?"

"I wasn't planning on leaving."

"We could make it official. Christen every room?" Mischief sparkled in her eye.

"That, my darling." He kissed her. "Is the second best idea you've had tonight."

* * *

**Authors Notes: **I know it was short, but I'm hoping it was sweet. 

Thank you for you all your supportive reviews and I would love to hear what you think about this.


	4. A Simple Kiss

**Part 4 - A simple kiss  
**

Eight Months Ago

The kiss was soft.

It took her breath away.

He didn't push or force her, he simply moved closer. His breathe tickled her face before he leant forward and captured her lips with his own. His hands moved to rest on her hips, while she stood still, shocked, unable to move, unable to think. All she could do was feel, and it felt better than she could remember.

It was two years since he'd kissed her like that, two years; that number rang through her head. Two years of watching him. Watching him leave her, break up with her, bring home another, pregnant, woman.

Two years ago he broke her heart.

"I can't." She pulled back, shrugged off his hands and retreated to the corner of the room.

"Abby…"

"No." She held her hands up warning him to stop moving closer. Avoiding his gaze she took a few cleansing breaths.

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It felt like hours passed, but was merely minutes as they both retreated into their silent worlds, they now sat at opposite ends of her living room each trying to assess what had just happened. Neither of them quite expecting that a day spent as usher and maid of honour at Susan's wedding would result in such a tender moment.

Together they had watched one of their closest friends wed the man she loved, they ate rich food and danced until her feet ached; and only when the final guests left did they allow themselves to take a moment and reflect on the day.

The drive back to her apartment had been quick, and not wanting the evening to end Abby had invited him upstairs for a nightcap. The hot chocolate was still untouched in the kitchen and the silence in the room was slowly deafening.

It took a while but soon Carter decided that he had, had enough. They had spent three months skating around each other, growing close and rebuilding a friendship. She had told him to call her and he had. Until then he had forgotten how much he had missed them.

"Are we going to talk about what happened just now?"

"You kissed me and I pushed you away."

"Don't you want to know why I kissed you?"

"Not especially."

"You're not even mildly curious."

"I've ceased being curious about the inner workings of your mind." She lied, and then added under her breath. "It always makes things worse."

"What?" He looked at her with concern and suddenly became very aware of her fragility. He was ready to talk about them and their past, he wanted to know. And to know everything they would have to start at the beginning.

He got up and walked the short distance to join her on the sofa she occupied and ignored her slight movement that closed the minute gap between her and the edge of the couch, he then watched as she pulled one of the sofa cushions onto her lap and hugged it to her chest, before pulling her legs beneath her.

Abby looked at him. "What are you trying to achieve?"

"I want to figure out where we went wrong."

"Isn't it a little late?"

"It's never too late." He told her, as he reached out to touch her knee. "Please."

Pushing his hand off roughly she replied, "It went wrong when you decided to get on that plane with no intention of telling me."

"I didn't know how to tell you." He decided not to confront her denial about there past and focused on what had hurt her the most.

"Well that's a lie." She snapped. "All you needed to do was answer the phone when I rang you. Or you could have come into work early. Or called me! But you didn't."

"I couldn't."

"You told me nothing was right here." She accused as more memories of that night came flooding back. "What's changed?"

"You changed."

"People don't change."

"So what do you call becoming a Doctor?"

"Finishing something I started for once," Abby looked deep into his eyes, trying to make him see. "But I'm still me."

"I know." Carter whispered and was pretty sure he understood what she meant.

"You know?"

"You're still the same Abby that I will always be drawn to."

"But that doesn't mean that you care."

"Abby…"

"If I meant anything to you, you would have called."

"I…"

"Don't!" She stopped him. "You walked back into my life and you didn't even bother to let me know. You brought a pregnant girlfriend into the place where I work, where my friends work. To what? Humiliate me?"

"They're my friends too."

She continued over him. "And you sent me a break up letter, to the ER, so everyone could read it."

"I didn't know."

"You didn't think. Not about me, not about us." She spat back at him. "But that's okay. I figured it out and I got over it. God!" She exclaimed throwing her hands up in frustrations. "I thought this time would be different."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Everything. I don't know." She cried out, exposing her vulnerability.

"Well, then, let me explain what happened."

"No." Her voice was harsh.

"I wasn't thinking straight." He looked at her, waiting for to interrupt, but she'd turned silent. "Everything was overwhelming me here, I didn't know where I fitted anymore. Africa was like this fantasy, a dream come true."

"I don't want to hear this." Her voice shook, hearing his words felt like a dagger in her heart. So much for burying these feelings in the past, she thought bitterly.

"You need to. Abby, look at me." Carter grabbed her arms forcing her to look at him. "That was all it was, a dream, none of it was real. That place cast a spell over me and Kem was part of the magic. They made me feel valued and special; what I did there made a difference."

"You make a difference here too."

"But it didn't feel like that. Those last few weeks, months, before I left I was confused. I didn't know where we stood."

"So you thought running away was the answer."

"Like you can talk." He accused.

"I never ran away from us."

"No you just hid."

"What!" She exclaimed, "Like I could ever hide from you."

"You never let me in."

"You mean my family." Carters nodded in confirmation. "My car wreck of a family." Another nod. "I was trying to protect you."

"I didn't need protecting. I wanted to help you."

"I didn't need help."

"That wasn't my point. It was never my point."

"So what was?"

"I wanted to support you. I wanted to be the one you turned to."

"I did turn to you. I came home every night, to you. I cried on your shoulder. I slept in your bed. I wanted to be with you."

"But your heart wasn't in it."

"I gave you everything I could. But it wasn't enough for you. I wasn't enough for you."

"That's not true."

"Don't lie to me. You always tried to change me. And when I tried, for me, you accused me of making a quick fix. The easy route, which obviously wouldn't work."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"No? How did you mean it?"

"I just didn't want you to do it for me."

"But I told you I wasn't."

"But it had been. How was I supposed to know you'd changed? You told me yourself that you don't think people change."

"I still don't think they can. Or at least not their essence, their heart. You can change your look, you can adapt to your surroundings and change your attitudes towards things through learning. But I'll always be me. Just a little more rounded and secure."

"That's all I ever wanted."

"I don't know if I can believe you."

"Abby, it infuriated me seeing what you could be and that you didn't think you were strong enough to be come. Or didn't think you could be become. I loved you for you, your essence had captivated me and kept drawing me in."

"Is that why…" She trailed off, she didn't want to get into Kem again. He'd explained about the whole 'magic kingdom' he'd visited. That place where she wasn't part of the equation.

"Is that why what?" He continued after it became apparent she wasn't going to elaborate.

"It doesn't matter."

"It mattered enough for you to start. Please just talk to me. I thought we were passed the stage of hiding."

"We are."

"So why wont you tell me?"

"Because… because." She tried to form the right words in her head. "We're past hiding as friends and you've just taken us straight over that line."

"What line Abby?" He has to stop himself from shouting. "What line are you talking about?"

"Love." The word came out, barely audible.

'Love' the word echoed round his mine, confusing him. "How does that make you feel?"

"Honestly?" Her eyes captured his, daring him to force her to talk. He took her request and nodded. "Scared."

"Is that good or bad?" He needed to know.

"I haven't decided yet." Her eyes dropped to her hands she held in her lap.

"Look at me." Carter demanded.

Abby wanted to avoid his gaze, but like every time before. She couldn't because, as he had once declared to her, she too had always been drawn to him.

Like a moth to a flame, the threat of being burnt still prominent, dangerous and tempting. The allure of it all was something she would never escape.

"Abby." Her name played on his lips like it hadn't in two years. "I don't know what's going in between us. It scares me how strongly I feel about you, but what scares me more is how you feel about me."

"I…" Abby started, but didn't know where to even begin.

"I love you."

**Authors Note: **Well there we go... I really hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it.


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